I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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