Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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