I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
