Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
