I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
