I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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