I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
