I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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