3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
