I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
