My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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