I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
