alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
