His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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