She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
