he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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