WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
