k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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