Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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