did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
