I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
