Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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