i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
