We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
