Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
