i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
