I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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