Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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