Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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