i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
