well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
