my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
