yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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