I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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