69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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