im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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