How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
