I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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