genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
