Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
