So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
