I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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