hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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