i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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