i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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