So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So much rum. So many feels.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
