Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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