hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
