areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need to align my fucking chakras
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
