yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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