Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize