He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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