so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
