I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize