One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
