I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
