quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
