saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
