you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
