the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
