6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my poor anus
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
