You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
