let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
