hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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