this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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