i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize