I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
