My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize