Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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