Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
