So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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