based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
