Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
