he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
