why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
