Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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