sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
