it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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