one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
