Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
