dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
