i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
