The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Can I color on your dick again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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