Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize