Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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