just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
