i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
