It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
