Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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