I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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