Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your cock deserves a montage
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need to align my fucking chakras
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