yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
