Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
