Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
