"it" just moved
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
