I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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